Getting Unstuck

Living Wisely, Living Well

Why you get stuck

Have you ever wanted to do something but were never quite able to get traction on it? Maybe there is a part of you that isn't quite ready. This part is putting on the brakes and you might not even realize what's happening.

When part of you isn't on board with the plan, you stay stuck. To move forward you have to discover and address the concerns this part has.

Discovering the concern.

Sit quietly with all the feelings that come up for you about your plan.  You might find that as well as positive emotions like excitement there might also be anxiety, unworthiness, or overwhelm. Usually, these feelings come with a belief like the ones below.

  • Anxiety: You want a relationship but a part of you believes that relationships are too painful.
  • Overwhelm: You want a promotion at work but a part of you believes it will be too stressful.
  • Unworthiness: You want to have a nicer home but part of you believes you don't deserve it.

When we listen to our body we can identify the emotion and listen for the belief that goes with it.

Say for example you want to make a career change and you have a part that believes a career change is too risky. What does that part need to get on board with the plan? Maybe it's keeping your current job while you take night classes or having a healthy cushion of savings. Once you discover and address the concerns,  you can make progress toward your goal.

I recently had a "stuck" experience starting a new business. It wasn't making the progress I wanted to make. I realized that I had to acknowledge the part of me that was anxious. Part of me was passionate about this business and wanted nothing more than to spend my days creating it. But there was another part that wasn't onboard and was hindering my progress. The anxious part was afraid that the new venture wouldn't be well received, that it wouldn't be viable, and that I didn't have the talent to make it successful.

First I had to sit with the feelings and hear the story. Was the story true? Is there a story that's more true for me? I remembered that I have a track record of creating a successful business, that people generally like what I create, and that if there's something I'm not particularly good at I have lots of resources to draw on to get the job done.

Next, I had to acknowledge the part that was anxious as if I were speaking to another person. "Yup, it's kind of scary to start something new, isn't it? What do you need to feel less anxious?"

I discovered that the anxious part of me needed a clearer plan, decisive decision-making, and a schedule. I spent a couple of days addressing these concerns. My anxiety levels went down and I was able to make the progress I needed to make.

This is an example of how a part that seems like it's getting in your way can actually be helping you.

Owning Your Decision

It's also perfectly possible that now isn't the right time for your plan. Instead of beating yourself up by lamenting that you never seem to get it done, instead say "I have decided that this is not the right time - I am going to revisit this in six months." This way you know you are in charge of what you do, and you take ownership of the decision and of your agency in the situation.

Get Unstuck

Is there something you've wanted to do but never seem to get traction on?

What is the belief that is stopping you?

Is it true? Is there a story that's more true for you?

What does the part that has concerns need? Can you provide it?

How does it feel to go forward now?



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