How much happiness are you willing to tolerate?
That's a question I had to ask myself.
We are often so focused on what we don't have that we don't think about what it would be like to have more than we ever imagined. Sometimes the answer is that it feels so uncomfortable that we find a way to repel it.
At the heart of the issue is usually a sense of unworthiness.
I've been experiencing some powerful good fortune in many areas of my life and it's making me a little uncomfortable.
How much financial good fortune am I willing to tolerate? For me, the question becomes how much financial abundance I think I deserve.
If I had a client that asked me that question, here's what I would say: if it shows up for you, you are supposed to have it. It's never a good idea to reject a gift. Let's not insult the Universe!
The more we reject the gifts we are given the less we receive.
What if the greatest limitation on our happiness is how much we are willing to tolerate?
How much love is too much?
How much financial abundance is too much?
How much success is too much?
How much good fortune do you believe you deserve?
You may be saying to yourself 'Bring it on! I'm ready for all of it.' If that's the case I salute you. You have a rocking life the envy of all your friends. For the rest of us, though, there's some work to do.
Bursting through your ceiling
The first step is noticing. Noticing when and where you get uncomfortable.
Is that lover too handsome and too kind to you?
Is that career success making you feel like an imposter?
Does that windfall put you in the unfamiliar position of feeling financially secure?
To be able to fully embrace and enjoy all the good fortune that's yours, you have to be able to muster enough self-love to believe you deserve it.
Otherwise, you'll reject it.
If we don't fully embrace and believe in our own lovability, being deeply loved by another can make us feel a little queasy. Why? Because we fear they are going to leave us once they find out who we really are. This belief prevents us from accepting more love.
If you believe you are an imposter at work and that everyone else knows what they're doing but you, you aren't going to be able to enjoy that promotion and you might even sabotage your own success to avoid "being found out."
If a pile of money falls into your lap you might fritter it away because you don't believe you are someone who deserves financial security or because it feels so unfamiliar.
It can almost feel like the piece of good fortune is in conflict with who you think you are; your identity. In order to accept good fortune we sometimes have to be willing to change our identity.
For example, saying "I haven't had money in the past but I'm ready to be financially secure now" as opposed to "No one in my family has ever had money and it's the same with me." The first statement is open to the possibilities of the money that came your way, while the second emphasizes a conflict with who you think you are. Statements of willingness prime your subconscious to embrace a higher level of happiness.
In practice
Begin to elevate your sense of worthiness
Feeling fully worthy is not an overnight thing. You have to learn to see yourself kindly. How would your doting grandmother or best friend see you in this situation? They would see all the good things about you: your grit, your kindness, your determination, and your talents. They would know that you deserve all the good things that come your way. Can you practice doing that for yourself?
Love,
Darcy
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